Friday, July 22, 2011

My Breakfast Journey. A True Life Story.

I LOVE food even more than I like to cook. I think about it all the time. Even before bed, I think about breakfast. My favorite breakfast is eggs benedict. Hollandaise sauce poured on top of a poached egg sitting on top of an English muffin with Canadian Bacon. Hello! Pure fat, butter, and carbs. What’s not to love?!
I state this is a journey because I have never had the chance to make my favorite breakfast. Why? I am the proud pet owner of 5 animals. Four cats and one 50 pound puppy to be exact. I love my animals. But, in the morning, they are my enemy, my nemeses, the creatures standing between my homemade five star breakfast entering my mouth…

My Morning.

5 AM. Awakened. Screeching cats (Specifically Lulu and Mr. Wizard) at my back door. Nothing furry or loveable is cute this early. The only thoughts in my head are “die”. I get up out of the comforts of my sleep, let the bastards in, and return to bed.

5:30 AM Screeching cat again. Lulu will not shut up. I throw pillows at her. Still will not shut up. I swear this cat never is silent. She wants in and out constantly. I am back up and throwing her ass outside to regain silence.

6:00 AM By then, the three cats are surrounding me in bed checking if I am awake. Mushroom lies on my chest, Wizard annoyingly paws my face, and Mr. Pigglesworth is biting my arm pits. I’m chucking them off the bed. Hoping they get the clue to stop the madness.

7:00 AM  Pets vs. Human. The pets have won and, I call defeat. Even, Benny is scuddling in is kennel not allowing me to sleep. TOO MUCH NOISE!!

It does not end there.

Next, I have to handle the Benny. I let him out of his kennel and put him outside so he can do his business. These moments outside are crucial for me to prepare his breakfast. If not ready during this allotted time, he dashes to the neighbor’s yard.  Annoyingly this means putting on my flip flops, walking through bushes, climbing a rock fence in my PJs to retrieve the Benny. I am chasing him through the neighbors trying to get him inside. Happily, the neighbors are used to this by now and do not call the police for trespassing. And, as always, the beast has a smirk on his face as I capture him.

I get him home. I have twigs in my hair, my pjs are dirty, and I am all sweaty. Though, as soon Benny sees his food, he runs to his kennel and sits awaiting his food. Dog fed.

Now, the cats. They have been crying the whole time. Lulu is back inside. They herd around my feet trying to trip me. I open their food. Put in a bowl. Place it on the floor. Finally, the cats are fed.

8:00 AM I make my coffee and, I am exhausted. The best part of the morning is when I am sitting in silence. It is peaceful. Pets are happy. Get my cup of coffee and drink about ¼ of it Then, it starts again. Cats crying to go outside. Grr… Silence over.   

I let the cats outside. Put their leftover food up so benny will not eat it. Release the Benny.

I try to go back and enjoy my coffee. Now, Benny is in my lap. Mushroom wants to sit with me. The dog and cat are fighting for my attention and break out in a brawl on my lap. It is about impossible to get another drink except if I want to wear it. Once I do, my coffee is cold. I hate cold coffee. Grr..

9:00 AM – The cats are out or asleep in the house. Benny is taking a nap. I get peace. I get another warm cup of coffee and enjoy it.

Do I want to make my delicious 5 star breakfast after this? Hell No. I’m tired. Who wouldn’t be after 4 hours of nonsense with pets?  

 Will I ever get to make my five star breakfast? No. This is why I love to go out and eat breakfast late in the morning or make breakfast at noon. The only way I get anything decent.

What did I eat today? Cold, leftover pizza sitting on the counter most likely licked on by cats.  Still.. it was better than nothing and no effort required. Bon appetit.  

My Breakfast

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